Grief
See also:
Life and Death
Humans grieve when they lose their canine friends. Dogs also grieve when they lose their humans, and when the dogs they share their lives with die.
See also:
Life and Death
Humans grieve when they lose their canine friends. Dogs also grieve when they lose their humans, and when the dogs they share their lives with die.
From the very moment you bring a dog into your home, you are setting yourself up for a broken heart. A dog rarely lives beyond fifteen years, and you will have to learn to cope with loss. Very often, people won’t understand your grief. They’ll think your friend was just a dog.
The greatest pain comes when you’ve respected your dog as an individual, a person in his own right with all the mannerisms and ways which mark him out as different to all the other dogs you know.
When I lost my first dog, Oliver, very suddenly, I cried for weeks on end. I couldn’t sleep, I barely ate. I just sat there crying and wishing that Oliver was still alive. The first emotion was disbelief, followed closely by shock and then numbness. My head ached so much I thought it might explode and I had terrible chest pains. I felt sick and confused, and I could hardly see through the tears when I walked my other dogs.
Losing a special dog is like losing your shadow. Every cupboard I opened, Oliver’s nose wasn’t there. He wasn’t following me around, or looking for the action, or putting his enormous paw on my lap, or stealing my socks, or playing with the other dogs, or making us laugh.
When you experience the death of a loved-one, it’s like having the ultimate slap in the face. If you’re the sort of person who usually finds solutions to problems, grief is very humbling. There’s no-one to complain to, and no-one you can persuade to bring your beloved back.
One bereavement counsellor said to me: “I believe that the death of a loving, trusting, pet can be much worse and far more significant than that of a human being, and we should not be made to feel guilty for feeling grief. I’m sure dogs have souls and deserve to be mourned-for as much as humans.”
According to J William Worden, author of the book, ‘Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy’, the intensity of grief is equal to the intensity of love. It is conceivable, then, that the death of a dog could represent one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life. It’s so easy to love a dog: their trusting, non-judgmental love is impossible to beat.
Dr Sam Ahmedzai from the Society for Companion Animal Studies said: “A pet’s death may have as devastating an effect as any human bereavement. The feelings, bodily reactions and social suffering are in many ways the same as if we had lost a close relative.”
Studies reveal that bereavement induces physical pain and emotional and mental anguish. You can experience feelings of numbness, sadness, anger, guilt and self reproach, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, shock and yearning. Physical sensations range from headaches and chest pains to breathlessness and lack of energy.
You may become confused, sense the presence of the deceased, and maybe even have visions of them. You might be unable to sleep and lose your appetite, and you may dream of your deceased friend, call out for him, and you will almost certainly cry. All of this is normal.
For many, there is eventually a feeling of relief, particularly when the animal has been ill and suffering. This is a good sign, showing you are beginning to be able to reinvest your love in another.
It is necessary to work through the pain of grief. It is, according to the experts, healthy and natural – and even necessary – to allow yourself to experience pain when you lose someone you love. Immerse yourself in it.
In time, you will find a place for your departed friend in your heart. Your memories will begin to be happy ones; you will learn to accept.
Grief made me realise that life can be very painful, and that we should do all we can to refrain from harming one-another. When you lose someone you love dearly, you realise that we need to hold one-another gently, with compassion, for life is fragile and transitory. Most of all, grief has put gratitude into my heart for the souls who have agreed to share their lives with me. Thank you, life, for having been.
I also believe – know – that our dogs’ spirits do not die. Sometimes my dogs have come back to me and made their presence known. Sometimes they have come back very powerfully, wrapping me in their love so that I have no doubt that we shall meet again.
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